Alone...

Being on my own again after such a long time has given me a chance to reflect.  It is this opportunity to reflect that has uncovered that which I have kept neatly wrapped and hidden away.  Now that I have removed the barriers and I am more fully engaged with my surroundings, I have reached a deeper understanding of myself.  I enjoy this time alone revelling in my own company and the freedom it brings. I sometimes wonder whether I would ever engage in another relationship, having been disappointed each time.  The more I think about it the more I know I will.  The thing is that while I am not lonely, there are things that I miss.

I miss having the pleasure of sharing my experiences with someone special and I miss having someone special sharing their experiences with me.  I love my home, but I miss sharing and caring for someone in it.  I miss the intimacy of a sharing a cup of coffee or snuggling together while watching a movie.  I miss the feeling of closeness.  I miss cooking a meal for two or a feast for two over weekends. I miss the discussion and chats over trivial and not so trivial matters.  I miss growing and maturing with someone special as we experience life with all its trails and tribulations.  I miss having that special someone on a drive to a holiday destination or just for an outing on a Sunday afternoon.  I miss having someone special in my life.

Some may consider that I am suffering from a bout of loneliness, but missing someone and being lonely are two vastly different states of mind.  Loneliness is characterised by a feeling of isolation and is accompanied by a yearning to find a connection with someone.  Missing someone is acknowledging that a need exists for someone.

Unlike some, I do not have the make up to be on my own for the rest of my days.  I have a greater need to give, of myself, completely and unconditionally. But for now I have thrown my thoughts to the universe and I know that the Almighty has someone special in mind, and I patiently wait their arrival :-)

Comments

  1. AnonymousJuly 9, 2010 at 9:53 PM

    You have so eloquently expressed what I do not have the courage to admit publicly!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ethel booneJuly 14, 2010 at 8:09 AM

    The "lonely" versus "being alone" is something that all us singletons wrestle with.It is this confusion that often leads one into accepting a relationship for the wrong reasons.I cannot express myself as eloquently as you do, but I'm sure you get my point.I believe we have to be happy and content with our own company and with who we are as a person and not seek fulfilment and acceptance in other people. So often in our attempt to please those close to us(in fear they may be unhappy with us and hence dissappoint and abandon us) we ignore our own needs and desires.Without sounding jaded, our desire to unselfishly give of our all, is a God given strength.........but a strength overused becomes a WEAKNESS

    ReplyDelete

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